Is it a great time to be a woman?

I have been frequently confronted with this question during my years of professional service. The sensitivity of this topic has lead to heated skirmishes with many females (friends, colleagues) I encountered. Recently I went through a debate on this topic. The discussion enlightened many aspects that we tend to dismiss or accept due to the intense emotions associated with the idea. Let me give an answer to the question.

Question: Is it a great time to be a woman?
Answer: Yes for sure.

Of course the answer only reflects my stand on the issue and is not intended to be generalized. I will try to describe why I believe so and the cons of not realizing that the world has indeed changed for today's women.

Why is it a great time to be woman?

We have been debating on women rights and their exploitation since childhood. However, things have changed dramatically and the motion that women are still being exploited no more holds true when we talk about careers and economic independence. Agreed that developing nations are still way behind in terms of imparting women education and enabling women empowerment, but this is largely prevalent in the rural or economically backward communities, where poverty and ignorance are major contributors. Let us reduce our scope to "women in urban India" (I term this WUI)

There is no second thought to the fact that WUI have all the opportunities that men have. I am aware that statistics say otherwise. Only 3% of global CEO's are females. Is it reasonable to assume that 97% of the lot was deprived due to sexual discrimination? Even if we believe so the point I am trying to make is that the attitude of society has changed and now it is the onus of women to make inroads. The law of nature is 'survival of the fittest'; whoever performs shall rule. [This raises another issue about parenting and social obligations, that make women 'not so fit' for survival in the corporate arena. I will talk about this later] Nobody is going to pamper women and make them climb the ladder. I doubt that still there are multiple instances in which deserving women are not promoted. The unfortunate story is that women still crib about inequality citing their traditional roles in our society. They are definitely better off than their mothers. We have most of the legislation in place to enable women empowerment (exception: abortion). We have 'reserved' places for women at global B-schools. We have tax benefits for women. The stage is set and they are welcome aboard. However, the sad part is that the societal transformation has given birth to a new pedigree of WUI characterized by a combination of idealism and feminism. Women in this pedigree have good as well as bad attributes. Let us talk about the good part first. They are:

a. Goal-oriented b. Display commendable fighting spirit c. More deserving than their male counterparts d. Independent

All these attributes make them unflinching warriors to conquer the male dominated world. No second thoughts. The dangers are associated with their bad attributes. They are:

a. Hypersensitive to women issues b. Indifferent to traditional roles

It is extremely important to understand these issues and their consequences to avoid friction and chaos. India has a rich cultural heritage bolstered by institutions such as marriage and 'the family'. In order to hold together our society both sexes should understand the need to change attitudes without compromising on aspects that endanger 'the family'. Men should stop being egoistic and women should come out of the "why only me?" attitude. We don't want to surpass the western world with a record number of divorces or abortions. Since the blog focuses on women, I will stick to the scope and describe the attitude that the new pedigree WUI have and need to change for the betterment of the society. Yes, we are digressing from the main topic. For now let us accept the fact that it IS a great time to be a WUI. Let us shift the focus to the question: What are the impacts of this social change? Will this change bring cheers all around and contribute to the economy or will it bring chaos and hinder our progress?


Hypersensitivity to women issues:

This is all about hype and hoopla. The new pedigree WUI feel that they are always targeted by their male counterparts. They always feel strangled and want to break free from the shackles. It is just a mindset. The shackles are imaginary and inherited from their mothers. In pursuit of freedom they lose sight of the gamut of opportunities that have been opened up. Most of the lost opportunities are blamed on sex discrimination. The primary motive is to be better than the opposite sex rather than being the best of all. All arguments boil down to the same question: Why not me? ( or why me? )

Let us take an example:

Mr X and Mrs Y are a working couple in a metro. It is imperative that the household chores have to be divided between the couple. Mr X is good at buying grocery from the market and Mrs Y is good at preparing food. Hence, logically, the act of making food is a combined effort of Mr X and Mrs Y. Also both these acts are equally important in producing the final result.

Unfortunately, there is a high probability that our new pedigree WUI will raise questions about her role. The question will be: "Why do I have to prepare food for you?" In asking this question, Mrs Y has made a handful of wrong assumptions. She has assigned a weightage to the tasks and based on the weightage she has concluded that preparing food is a menial task. Also Mrs Y has ignored the fact that it is more important to execute a task in the best possible way rather than complain about "why me?"


Indifference to traditional roles:

The new pedigree WUI do not want to be like their mothers. They want to be more independent, both financially and emotionally. They want to pursue higher education. They want to advance their career and not remain a mere house manager. They want the freedom to voice their opinions and want their voices to be heard. All this is right until it is overdone. Unfortunately, our new pedigree WUI crib about their social obligations of child rearing. I have no question in accepting that such traditional social obligations have crippled women in pursuing their desired careers and sometimes have left them short of options. Either they have to abandon their careers or take a break, which hurts their growth within the organization. Is there a solution to this problem? No. We have to accept the limitation and move on. Today most of the organizations provide paid maternity leaves and work from home options. Then why crib about this? They need to introspect. What would have been the results if their mothers thought in the same way?

Also, are WUI simply going to measure their progress in society by financial comparisons? The answer depends on the way an individual woman understands her role in society. An important consideration here must be self-fulfilment. Keeping a family together, raising children as they should be raised, creating responsible citizens: these require values and skills common to all humanity, that transcend rich and poor countries and that should transcend the sexes. Men need to learn this lesson. Women know it innately but my fear is that in the battle for workplace equity they could lose sight of some of the defining aspects of womanhood.


Conclusion:

It is definitely great to be a woman, in case of India, a WUI. But it is equally important to understand that our society is now ready to embrace this new social change and it is the choice of women to determine how best they can help in this transition without hurting our society.

Ron.
Disclaimer

Losing senses

To start with let me tell you that this is my first ever blog. I have been reading quite a few blogs lately and find it quite interesting to share your personal experiences with others. I hope it continues :)

Ya. Last weekend I had been to Pondicherry inspite of all the resistance at the back of my mind since it was a place which I had already visited thrice, where I knew it would be too much to spend two entire days because there are not much tourist spots and most of them known to me, and since I am not a great fan of beaches after staying in Chennai for two long years. Doesn't it sound boring to visit the same place again and again? :) But ya sometimes these weasel words are overridden by friends or to be more precise 'the company of friends'. Thanks to Nitin, after Anang, who was very much proactive in injecting such a positive thought into me; god knows what was the reason since he had some backup plans already :). To be honest, a stimulus which was even more stronger in making up my mind was the fact that there were a few girls, i would call them 'chicks' at this point because we were strangers, who were supposed to accompany us. With this positive frame of mind I finally packed my bag for the adventure :)

After the rendezvous and a formal introduction with the platoon me, Nitin and Gaurav took our seats in the bejewelled Qualis with the chicks as per the plot :) It was a night journey and since we were still strangers there was not much of conversation between the two groups. It felt as if the only congruence was the humming of the Radio Mirchi songs. But hey where is Mr. Murphy ? :) You got it rite! Our tyre was punctured after taxying for about 200 kms, thanks to the other group travelling in Indica as they spotted the rear flat tyre and informed our driver. So now we were out in the woods in the middle of the night with the pop singer Alisha singing 'Lover gal' in the background and the driver replacing the flat tyre.

We reached there by 9:00 am IST. All of us zonked, badly needing a sound sleep, checked in the "Pondicherry inn" with AC rooms which were surprisingly much better than our expectation. We were told by our mentor (the aunty), our landlord, to get fresh and be ready by 10:30. Taking things granted we slept like monsters and were late by one hour to reach the restaurant for breakfast.

I presumed that everything must be well planned and organized, and I am quite particular about it especially when it comes to visiting unknown places otherwise it takes a lot of time in exploration. But I didnt bother to do my homework as I was a frequent visitor. We headed for 'Aurobindo Ashram', a place too serene for guys like me. But Mr.Murphy said that the ashram is closed and would reopen at 2:00 pm. The beach was in proximity so the fans could not hold themselves from heading there and enjoy the scorching heat, ooops, the gust and the Bay of Bengal swashing against the rocks. I felt as if I was in a flashback fighting with this deadly heat during my days in Chennai. Me and Nitin went for a stroll, a bit isolated from the others and sneering at trivial things as we normally do. We could not resist ourselves from playing the beach volley with the localite children at the beach. Ya, forgot to mention the photo session going on right from the word go. After satisfying our guts we revisited the ashram. The platoon, to me it appeared as if they were quite inspired by Sri Aurobindo, did some prayers and meditation. Worth mentioning my dear friend Nitin buying a 'spiritual' book in search of the Divine :) I hope he reads atleast a few pages and gives a KT to me so that I can be closer to Thee.

Post having a consensus we came back to our rooms for a nap as the platoon was eagerly waiting to see the sunset at beach. But we, the monsters, enthralled by the chilled room and exhausted by the prickly heat changed the definition of the word 'nap'. It was 6:30 pm , one and a half hours late from the scheduled time and the only car Indica left for us to go to the beach. The sun was on the verge of vanishing at the horizon and we got ready to be the lucky ones to see the sun setting at the dying moments. But Mr.Murphy loves us so much that he absconded the driver. "Ohh man! where is this F***r", "Uski toh mein..." were the words uttered in frustation. We waited next to the car for 45 minutes, trying every possible way to contact the driver but in vain. Resolved to teach him a lesson with the intent of excercising our prerogative and being indifferent to the fact that the guy was awake the whole night we occupied our rooms again. The only way of refreshing again and not letting the tempo down was to chill out at a disc, bar or a pub.

I am not a regular drinker, but I do drink socially. Being in Pondicherry and not drinking is a crime :) We went to a pub called "Hot and cold". My two partners started off with two pegs of bacardi. I am very reluctant starting off as there is always a thought in the subconscious that drinking is not good :) So I went for a mild drink, a bacardi cranberry breezer. I was always eager to try Tequila due to the unique way in which the drink is taken with a pinch of salt and lemon. There goes three shots of locally manufactured Tequila for the 'Three musketeers'. Ya thats what you feel after drinking, on top of the world. The Tequila shot, as they say, was like the kick of a 500CC Enfield. Nitin wasn't feeling the kick yet, which I felt might be because he was used to this. So he was fully engrossed enjoying peg after peg waiting for the 'real' kick. I always avert being fully drunk and 'Losing senses' or being 'talli' and hate this kind of behavior in public. But I was told that once you start drinking you dont feel what is going in and you just cant stop! Something similar happened to me and I sipped alongwith Nitin from his glass, not ordering the drink myself and thus obeying the subconscious :) At last we decided to stop and head back to our hotel. On the way as one of my friends was still in search of the kick bought a Haywards 5000 and consumed it all alone.

It was now that the bullets were on fire. I was still under control. My partners in crime were on the roll, laughing like anything in the autoricksaw and making sound of the horn- the bhoopu - after each and every word they uttered. The auto guy knew about our state and ignored us otherwise it would have been a scene on the roadside. We went in the room berserk, shouting like kindergarten kids and clicking snaps. Sometimes I feel this is a good way to let your heart speak out, but certainly not the right way. I still remember some of the words by Nitin for me "Man, You are my darling!". I knew it wasn't Nitin but the bacardi, the tequila and the beer :) Those were the most wonderful moments spent in Pondicherry but deeply inside I even feel guilty.

The next day was packed with fun and frolic. By now we had a rapport with the other guys Girish, Sandeep and Sudhir and the gals- no more chicks now -Rashmi and Tushita. We went for a long beach ride in a boat gossiping and pulling each others' legs. On the way back to Bangalore we were closely knit playing antakshari all way long and didnt knew how time flew away in a few minutes. Ya the winning team comprised of me, Nitin, Rashmi and Sudhir. Hurray!! It was really a great experience to cherish in years to come.........